6 TIPS FOR TALKING WITH YOUR TEEN

Tips for Talking with Your Teen

As a parent of an adolescent, you may find it difficult to communicate with your child. Listening to them can be hard as they develop a change of opinions, right? However, it’s important to remember that your teen has a lot on their plate. 

They are juggling emotional struggles, hormonal changes, and endless school assignments and exams. Learning to empathize, then accordingly speaking and listening becomes necessary.

Talking to teens is vital for their mental health, personal mindset, and academic life. Parents can achieve this through positive parenting, encouraging openness, validation, and non-judgmental listening. 

According to a Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) survey in 2019, over 44% of teenagers in the United States experienced severe mental health issues during the pandemic. This fact also correlates with teenagers being glued to the screens while the lockdown was implemented.

Remaining indoors doubled their screen time and decreased actual social interaction. In turn, this loneliness had negative mental health effects. Though this is not a permanent impact, you must learn to practice your power to communicate healthily.

How Positive Parenting can Affect Communication with Teens

Communication and connection are a two-way road.

The transition to adolescence comes with behavioral changes, and it’s normal. Thinking of it as a ‘bad’ attitude only paves the way for less communication. It’s just that your teen wants to spend time with you while having no restrictions.

So remember to consider independence and quality family time as something other than mutually exclusive for teens. Learning the titbits of positive parenting can help you bridge this communication gap. 

In a nutshell, you give your teen the gift of:

• Understanding their needs
• Respecting their boundaries and ‘me’ time
• Showing genuine interest
• Making memories together
• Discussing to make mutual decisions
• Taking conflicts as opportunities to connect

But this is easier said than done. How do you approach your teen when surrounded by homework and peer pressure?

Tips for Parents to Communicate with Teens

1. Be Willing to Listen Without Judgment

Different opinions should be welcomed.

Finding yourself at odds with your teenage child is something common. Changing moods and behaviors can be hard to navigate. So it’s essential to actively listen instead of jumping in with advice or criticism! Praising your child three times more than you criticize them helps build their confidence and self-esteem. The 3:1 positive-to-negative ratio is a simple rule of thumb to help you maintain the right balance.

Doing so creates a safe environment where your child can blossom and shine. They can share their struggles, fears, and achievements without cracking a nerve.

So what to do instead? 

• If your child is underperforming at school – ask them what is bothering them instead of just asking whether or not an issue exists. 
• Put your biases and beliefs aside to avoid selective listening.
• Avoid the urge to give lectures.

Being non-judgmental will put your teen at ease. It contributes toward a balanced parent-child relationship rather than one that feels like a tug of war.

2. Control Your Expectations

Don’t be harsh on your child with high expectations.

As a parent, having expectations can be normal. But it can also be toxic if you cross the line and push your child into doing something uncomfortable. You might think of your teen as being slow or not hardworking enough, not getting a perfect score on your test.

Putting your child on a pedestal does more harm than good. It blows their self-esteem as they feel they can’t open up to their parents. This ‘guilt’ can also make them distant because they would feel disappointed in the family.

So it’s essential to keep your behavior in check. Are you making your child walk on eggshells? 

Do you acknowledge their efforts from time to time? It’s critical to communicate healthy expectations and give your child independence at the same time. Otherwise, the see-saw can be off balance, and only one side wins – leading to a toxic relationship.

• Have a mental throwback to the time you were a teenager.
• Visualize your struggles and empathize with your child.
• Remember that you were in a different era and society, and things changed.
• Don’t build expectations according to your teenage experiences.
• Try to understand the modern world and where your child fits in. Every era has its own toxic standards, and your teen might already feel suffocated by contemporary society’s expectations.

Being strict or aggressive will push your child away. Teaching them self-control is important for the sake of emotional intelligence. But your teen is more likely to follow suit if they see you exercising restraint too! 

Always think before you act, and don’t assume what they believe. Initiate communication to help them feel comfortable.

Supporting your teen through stressful experiences goes a long way in their self-development. It can help them confidently voice their opinions and learn more about themselves.

3. Empathize with Them

Parents need to remember how vulnerable teenagers can be.

You might cringe at the unusual behavior from your teen’s end. But this is the point where you need to bridge the communication gap. You can expect them to struggle for independence and look down on your views. 

Why is your teen behaving like that? One of the main struggles is self-control, as hormonal changes can incite unusual behavior in your child. These fits of rage might put you off. So it’s necessary to put yourself in their shoes and empathize.

• Exhibit self-control in front of your teenager
• Try to understand their perspectives
• Ask questions when you don’t know what they are saying
• Nod and give genuine gestures that you’re listening

Be aware of their emotional state and act accordingly. Relax and give them time and space if they are unwilling to listen or do something you ask them to. 

4. Ask Honest Questions, Not Loaded Questions

Ask better questions to get to know your teenage child better. 

A yes or no from your child barely gives away anything. Active listening is one bit for better and more open conversations. The other part is asking open-ended questions with the intent of connecting.

For example, instead of asking, “Did you have a good day?” try asking, “What was your day like today?” Notice how such questions can encourage your child to share unfiltered experiences.

Also, take a deep interest in their interests (hobbies, subjects they love, etc.). Topics of discussion can arise from these and build a two-way communication road. If your child loves watching horror shows, what drives them to do so? Ask them, and you’ll discover many character traits and build your relationship with them over time. 

Remember to be patient if your child doesn’t respond immediately. Give them time and space to open up, as it’s all about creating a safe and comfortable environment. 

5. Validate Their Experiences

Encourage your teen, for they are trying their best!

Appreciate your teen more often. Think about how you would call their drawings great when they were a kid. And they need the same level of self-esteem boost even as a teenager. 

On the surface, they don’t care what others think. However, they want their parents to be proud of them, and your words of affirmation can go a long way. Let them solve problems independently, but stick with them through thick and thin. 

Whether it’s a romantic breakup or poor performance at school, tell them their feelings are valid rather than encouraging an emotional shift.

6. Build Trust and Find Common Ground

Comfort and trust are important elements of communication.

Nobody likes the feeling of walking on eggshells. If you react negatively whenever your teen talks to you, they’ll stop communicating altogether. Eventually, they will lose trust and won’t feel comfortable around you to the point they wouldn’t even want to spend time.

• Have a meal together for awesome dinner conversations.
• Encourage group talks with the family (just like at the dinner table)
• Ask them to put away their phones for their undivided attention.
• Ask them to do something for you (an easy chore or running an errand). They will feel valued but must practice self-control if they turn the task down! Bonus tip: Pick a privileged job, like paying the bill.
• Make room for family activities like going to the movies, cooking, and hiking without bringing in debates or personal topics.

In addition to building trust, finding common ground can help bridge the gap between you and your teen. Try to find a shared interest, such as playing video games together. Check out resources like A Parent’s Guide To Video Games to learn more about your teen’s hobbies and interests and to spend quality time together. Incorporate family activities like going to the movies, cooking, or hiking without bringing in debates or personal topics. By implementing these tips, you can promote a stable and healthy parent-child relationship in the long run.

Key Takeaways: Positive Parenting for Communicating with Teens

Practicing the above tips can help you communicate with teenagers. It all boils down to active listening and positive parenting that encourages openness, communication, and validation. Keep your self-control in check while encouraging the same in your child.

There’s more to connection than talking. Allow your teen to develop a sense of responsibility by fulfilling tasks and allowing them to share their opinions. Empathizing with teens can go a long way and teach them self-control for becoming better human beings. 

Active listening is the key to talking to your teenage children. Having empathy can help build trust, and you can progress the relationship with your child by establishing open communication. You want your teen to have a strong sense of self. So why not have a look at these parenting tips as well?

Check Our Our Other Blogs:

• Giving Teenagers Ownership: Why It Matters
• The Secret To Motivating Teenagers: How To Get Their Buy-In
• Helping Teens Take Ownership: 3 Keys To Accountability